


Summonings and Scented Candles

by Feneris



Category: Gravity Falls, Transcendence AU - Fandom
Genre: Acidental Summonings, Botched Summonings, Gen, Mass Product Recalls, Sumonings, Transcendence AU, scented candles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-01-27
Packaged: 2018-05-16 16:09:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5832037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feneris/pseuds/Feneris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In light of the reception to their new line of scented candles, the executive board of the Pine River Candle Company could admit that in hindsight, it was fairly obvious that scents such as "Skunk Hit By Truck," might not sell as well as more traditional scents, such as "Fresh Pumpkin Pie." It was also fairly obvious in hindsight, that marketing decisions really should not be made with the input of three bottles of scotch. </p><p>They had no explanation for Alcor the Dreambender though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Summonings and Scented Candles

**Author's Note:**

> So this fic was inspired by a prompt on TAU tumblr about scented candles affecting what you summon, and I got the idea for a series of scented candles that were the Berti Botts Every Flavor Beans of the aromatics world. I would really have liked to include Sunless Void in the fic, but it never really came up.

Alcor's first clue that something was off, was the smell. He hadn't had someone try to summon him with scented candles in centuries.

It was one of the easiest rules to remember. Though Alcor sometimes suspected that the only reason it was followed so faithfully, was that no power-hungry maniacs had ever got it into their head that scented candles could be used to curry favor with demons. Well, there had been that one case, involving the man with no sense of smell, who honestly thought the cheap candles he got at the dollar store were scentless. But incidences like that were rare. At least in this case, the scent was a pleasant one. A mild, refreshing aroma that brought to mind flowing water, and the crisp scent in the air after a storm.

 _Spring Rains_ , the omniscient part of his brain supplied. Something was wrong here. Spring, was not something usually associated with demons, and certainly not something that was associated with Alcor the Dreambender. He looked down at the summoning circle etched onto the concrete floor in bright blue sidewalk chalk.

As far as he could remember, he had never included rabbits in his summoning circle, nor a large painted egg.

The five-year old child, sitting in cross-legged in front of the circle, looked up at him in awe.

"Are you the Easter Bunny?"

\---

The smell hit Alcor like a sledgehammer. A strong, musky, and sharp odor complex that was a strange mix of sex, wine, vomit, and... olive oil?

 _Roman Orgy_ , his mind supplied. Now wasn't that a good omen for things to come. 

**"Who dares summon Alcor the Dreambender?"** he roared, his form stretching to tower over the summoner.

The man blinked stupidly up at him, his mouth moving soundlessly, and his eyes unfocused. He was stoned to the gills, Alcor realized. This was going to be a good one.

"You're not Zog."

 **"No,"** Alcor snarled. **"I am most certainly not Zogalius."**

Zogalius was a minor demon of intoxication, hedonistic excess, and hangovers. His only real claim to fame was that he supposedly single-handily caused the fall of the Western Roman Empire. Or so he claimed. No one nowadays really believed him. In any case he was one of the farthest things from Alcor anyone could think of. How the hell had he gotten this summoning instead of that hedonistic little toad?

The summoner gaped at Alcor, his fried brain trying desperately to come up with something, anything, to say.

"Now what?"

 **"I've apparently had my time wasted by a stoned fool who can't even draw a summoning circle properly."** That wasn't true, the circle was, well, not perfect, but good enough that it should have summoned it's intended target. So why had he been summoned instead?

"Sorry!!" the man blurted out. "I didn't...! I mean...! I've got some brownies! You can have them!"

Alcor glanced over at the tray of brownies sitting on a table. It was no great guess to figure out what kind of brownies they were.

What the hell. It wasn't like demons could get stoned on something so mundane as marijuana.

\---

Blood... Rotting carrion... Death. _Battlefield in Summer._ The scent of the candles was almost enough to mask the smell of the real thing.

It was too late for the man in the center of the summoning circle. The gusting of blood from his arteries had long ago turned into a tired trickle, and the look of panic and fear was frozen on his face.

 **"You wanted Korash the Bloodreaver?"** Alcor asked, his form looming menacingly over the assembled cultists.

The look of terror on their collective faces said clear enough that they would have been happy with anything besides Alcor the Dreambender.

"Y-yes..." one of them finally stammered out. "W-we are sorry for this mistake milord."

 **"Really? That's good,"** A blue fire blazed in Alcor's hands. **"Too bad it's already too late for you."**

\---

_"What the fuck?"_

Thick, choking black smoke filled the room, making it impossible to see anything. The smell of burning plastic, flaming insulation, and toxic chemicals was just as overwhelming. Someone was shouting at the top of their lungs, loud enough to be heard over the sounds of the emergency sirens wailing outside.

"SCENTLESS CANDLES I SAID! GO TO THE STORE AND GET SCENTLESS CANDLES! HE DOESN'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU BURN SCENTED ONES! BUT NO! YOU NOT ONLY HAD TO BUY SCENTED CANDLES, BUT YOU HAD TO BUY THE ONES LABELED "METH LAB ON FIRE," JUST BECAUSE YOU SAVED FIFTY CENTS GETTING THEM OUT OF THE DISCOUNT BIN! IT'S GONNA COST HUNDREDS TO GET THE SMELL OUT OF THE DRYWALL! WHO THE HELL DELIBERATELY MAKES CANDLES THAT SMELL LIKE A BURNING DRUG LAB ANYWAY?!"

 _"Right,"_ Alcor decided. _"I'm not getting involved in this one."_

\---

If you asked Janet, her weekend relaxing rituals were the only things that kept her sane. It wasn't that she disliked teaching. It was just that trying to keep a class of twenty elementary school children on track was hard enough on the best of days, and this week hadn't been the best of weeks.

She added a shot of bubble bath to the tub, and searched around for the scented candles. She had been itching to try these new one out she got them last weekend. Yet at the same time there was a feeling of apprehension. This new line of scented candles was definitely a strange one. While she had stayed away from all the obvious red flags, such as "Skunk Hit By Truck," and "Highland Cow Pasture," she had not been expected a scent labeled "Seaside Breeze," to include the smell of dead fish.

Janet lit one of the candles and took a tentative sniff. The warm smell of cooking spices and fresh pumpkin filled her nose, bringing to mind a cozy fall afternoon. Looks like "Fresh Pumpkin Pie" was a keeper. She turned off the water, arranged the candles around the tub, lit them all with a barbecue lighter, and placed a trashy romance novel within easy reach of the tub. Satisfied that her preparations were complete, she turned around and began stripping off her work clothes with a sense of desperate relief.

She did not see the candle-flames suddenly change color, nor the shadows coalescing above the tub.

**"WHO DARES SUMMON ALCOR THE DREAMBENDER?"**

Janet screamed. 

So did Alcor. 

\--- 

_In the news today: The Pine River Candle Company has issued a total recall on their new line of scented candles. This is due to a reported defect in the candles, causing them to summon Alcor the Dreambender when lit in any group greater than six._

_The Pine River Candle Company has advised all customers to discontinue use of these candles at once, even if you intend to summon Alcor the Dreambender, as the demon apparently forbids the use of scented candles to summon him. The Pine River Candle Company released a statement promising a full refund to anyone who bought any of the recalled candles, and stating that they have "No f****** clue how this defect arose in their products. An investigation by the Consumer Protection Board is already underway, though no injuries or fatalities have yet been reported._

_Alcor the Dreambender could not be reached for questioning._


End file.
